Emergency Fixer Pillows

'You're not gonna like this-all the plumbers are at their annual convention-in the Bahamas!!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"Thanks for coming in to work on such short notice."

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"I'll put you on the waiting list."

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

"This way, O' Brien."

'Try rebooting.'

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Leaking washing machine.

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

'Not THAT glass, you idiot.'

'The good news is, you haven't lost water pressure.'

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."

'This injection is a combination of 16 drugs...

'How do you turn off the water if all of the handles are broken.'

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."