Emcee T-Shirts

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

E=Emcee Squared

"I use to be a human beat-box but found it too humdrum."

"Sadly you don't get a wit by putting two halfwits together!"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Rap music

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

CEO.

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

"Pardon my glove."

You Know You're Old When...

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

"Frankly, it would be hard to beat being a bird flying around on such a glorious sunny day!"

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

'He's a Drunk-With-Power drunk...the worst kind!'

'I know you're going to inherit the throne from your father, but I want you to go to medical school just in case.'

The Last Dinosaur: States with Gay Marriage Bans.

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

'Frankly, we keep you around for entertainment value.'

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

"I always try to appear on the verge of a stress-induced breakdown. It's part of strong leadership."

'The reason we pay our CFO, Hargrove the big bucks is so we don't have to pay OTHERS the big bucks.'