Embarrassing Story Collector Pillows

'The danger of similar packaging.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

"It's not what you think."

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Who's Dead

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

A frog catches an insect truck.

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'This is for a different book.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"