Elderly T-Shirts

"Oh yes, I used to love chasing balls, but now, I'm just content watching you young ones doing it..."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"Why bother?"

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Did you remember my mints?"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Careful."

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Toothless Meal

Remote Control Duck

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"