Egypt Aficionado Pillows

"You're what we call 'in de Nile.'

I'm not convinced that the pyramids of Giza were built as tombs. Sure they were used as tombs, but for all we know, they were built far earlier by some other civilization, and the pharaohs just claimed credit for them. How do we know the pyramids weren't something far more high-tech, like for instance hydroelectric power generators for an advanced civilization? You tell me, how did you charge your cellphone back in 10,000 B.C.? Hydropower from the tears of dorks, here, let me show you ...

Physician tending a mummy.

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Oooh. . . I've got sand under my wrappings and it's so itchy. . !!"

Pyramid Handicap Parking

'We'll have to redesign it. Whenever the Pharoah's wife tries to sunbathe on the roof, she slides off.'

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

"Have your people call my people."

The Birth of the Pyramid Marketing Sales Scam (circa 4,000 BC)

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Bugger!'

Curse or not, Dave had to pass this exam.

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

Mummy Busks For Coins For His Cases

'So, Pharaoh, what sort of collateral do you have to put down on this $2 billion Great Pyramid you want to build?'

Pyramids exploding.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

How to create a password you can remember...

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"Aha. . . the Sphinxter!"

'I know it's only a dummy run...but I'm telling you there's no wi fi signal in the tomb.'

"Ain't no denying it son. It's a genuine fact that the surfers rule."

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Mummy' clocking into to work

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."