Egotist Gifts

You're probably assuming I'm a gigolo, because of my youth, my handsome face and my athletic physique. But in reality, I'm just a delusional guy with a doctored birth certificate, a filthy mirror and a faulty bathroom scale. ?

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

Six Thinking Hats

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

The Price of Freedom

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'Actually, my mom was the first to notice he'd lost that new boyfriend smell!'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

Data Extraction Social Media Theme Park

The Boss.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

If we run with this account, we'll be accused of being ethically challenged and morally bankrupt...anyone got a problem with that?

'If you start granting amnesty for people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following his conscience.'

"So he said, 'Where's your moral compass?' So I ate him."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

Ethics ethics.

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

10 Commandments Exceptions.