Egotism Gifts

And the trophy goes to Frank and only Frank

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

"Ancient Aztec shaman-kings predicted a coming together of all the cultures of the world, creating a new enlightenment for human beings."

Ill next Thursday

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"You think I would have sunk forty thousand clams into this lemon if I had known they were coming out with a nine-dollar boner pill?"

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"Have you ever known anyone famous?" "I have." "I've always been great friends with Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." "What? That's you." "Carry yourself like everyone knows you, and everyone you meet will feel like they should know you." "Hey, you all over there! You know me!" "You don't carry things with your mouth."

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"It's my company. I want to star in the commercial."

'We've created fire! We're Gods!'

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

'Yes, those were grown with love. Now, these here, on the other hand, were grown with a love gone wrong.'

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

Another Big-Headed Cartoonist

'But enough about me. . . tell me about yourself.'

When Atlas shrugs it off.

"Yes, but it's naturally toxic."

Special Person Statue

"Buy local? Isn't it enough I buy stuff assembled in this country from foreign parts?"

'Your best bet, Ralph, is to win the lottery...'

"Sorry, I really don't believe in it...I'm a Scorpio and you know that we're naturally sceptical..."

"I would LOVE to have clone of myself!"

'Why is it always about YOU?'

I'm #1 written on top of piano.

"Mom said grandpa killed it so his penis would feel bigger."

Marketing: 'Now walk nonchalantly in front of me and remember: you don't know me! Ok?'

'If it were not for my charitable contributions I wouldn't be able to stand myself.'

"For my next encore, I would like to play another piece written specially for me."

"I don't mean to rush you but..."

'So we're organically grown. That's gonna make us feel better about being cut up into salad?'

'I don't think I like globalism -- they moved our credit union headquarters to Timbuktu!'

You're probably assuming I'm a gigolo, because of my youth, my handsome face and my athletic physique. But in reality, I'm just a delusional guy with a doctored birth certificate, a filthy mirror and a faulty bathroom scale. ?