Education Reform Curious Gifts

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

End Gun Violence

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

Spell-Check Bee

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

Elections in German - If 'The Greens' come to power. . .

"What I do is create elegant solutions for problems that don't exist."

'You will be appointed principal of a school and you will resist change for your entire career,'

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

The Internal Economy of Dotheboys Hall

Department of ReEducation

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

iDeasy

"Due to the expenses involved with making our schools more resistant to mass shootings, we re forced to make large cuts in teacher pay and benefits...and you will be required to carry this glock 9mm...."

Civilian Oversight

'If she switches to essay tests none of us will ever be the same.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"We should have more physics in the biology and chemistry curricula."

"No, you cannot impeach your teacher!"

"The Feds have authorized me to leave your child behind."

'No darling, it's not a programme about choice of schools.'

'Sorry, kid...that's it.'

'What's the point of all this school business when we can just look up things on the internet?'

"It's a textbook case- depending on which state your textbooks are from."

42 Day Detention Vote - 'OK! That's unanimous then - it'll become official school policy.'

College Finance Education

"The good news is that the Remedial Learning Program is more popular than ever, which is also the bad news."