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'For the last time, Kevin, the footbone does not connect to the buttbone!'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

A Puppet Named Juan

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"I know it may be wrong, but it's how I feel."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Footballer and Bacteria.

Master's Degrees of the Universe

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

String Theory for Beginners.

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

Where the hell did you get that brain ?

Party Schools...

Monkey Business College

Do Not Pass. Just like high school.

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

'It's not a designer pin. It's actually a medal the Principal gave me for backing up my hard drive.'

Old McDonald, first grader, fails English.

'I finally understood 'negative numbers' when the teacher said they're just like the US budget deficit.'

"Up the hill to fetch a pail of water" -- Are you sure that's how hydrodynamics works?

"You can't be needing another break - the kids have only been back a week!"

Welcome to the lower grade concert. We will premiere an avant garde song cycle with unexpected solos, parts of melodies that may seem vaguely familiar and musicians who leave the stage for no apparent reason. Enjoy!

Dr. Roy G. Biv, Rainbowologist.

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do no add up to 100 may help explain why.'

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'Dad...why would I ever want to get out of the first grade? I love first grade!'

Back to School.

"Hitler's first name? I think it was 'Heil' Miss."

"What's a 14-letter word for 'school leader'?"

Mom and child visit principal who has a sign on the door - Nap Time.