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Monkey Business College

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"I know it may be wrong, but it's how I feel."

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

Footballer and Bacteria.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'Don't act too happy that school's out. You'll hurt our teacher's feelings.'

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

'It's not a designer pin. It's actually a medal the Principal gave me for backing up my hard drive.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

Old McDonald, first grader, fails English.

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

"I don't have any yet. We just opened."

'Don't you think this school has way too many fire drills?'

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'Here - I did my math homework, but the details are still sketchy.'

'You tell me that I should forget the past and go on with my life But doctor, I am the history teacher'

Volcano Danger: 'We are shutting down your Wright Brothers exhibit until Andy's volcano is dormant again.'

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"The four seasons? Easy. Pepper, Salt, Mustard and Vinegar!"

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

"What's a 14-letter word for 'school leader'?"

"Listen Smith, I don't care if the older boys are picking on you or not, you have to come into school - you're the deputy head for goodness sake!"