Edgar Allan Poe Enthusiast Gifts

The Tell-Tale Heart 2: Lost Phone On Vibrate

"You're going to hate yourself."

'Nevermore.' (quote the raven, feeding pigeons)

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack's Poetic Justice

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Jarvis Cocker

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

OM, SWEET OM

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

Truth

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

'Nevermore.'

'I've checked his appointments. The only opening is for 'nevermore'.'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

I am one with stupid.

A person seeking truth walks on a treadmill.

'Leaves glow away...Apples fall to the ground...Ah, ha. Apples are heavier than leaves.'

'Oh, that's the guru up there - I'm just the PR guy.'

If your question concerns your golf ball, the answer is yes, I know where it is.

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

"Presenting a Few of New York Curiosities"

'The heck of it is, non-violence never solves anything either!'

'Isn't it about time for our seventh-year stretch?'