Economic Humor Pillows

'Good news! Because of economic uncertainties, oil prices are going down!'

"I don't get it -- what's so bad about a mortgage being under water?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

Trickledown economics

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'We buy and sell them.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'He's known for his pessimistic prognostications on the stock market.'

Government Handouts.

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'