Economic Humor Collector Pillows

'HARRHARRHARR! Finally! The stock that arouses a feeling of happiness even when it becomes completely worthless!'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'And it's here, where we feel the bulk of our liquid assets are going.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Trickledown economics

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'We buy and sell them.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

We've been pre-approved by the credit card company to give them a loan.

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

Government Handouts.

'You'll love this new computer, sir! It has a program to delete obscene words like sharp drop...'

'He's known for his pessimistic prognostications on the stock market.'

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'