Economic Humor Junkie Pillows

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

British savings accounts

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Trickledown economics

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Budget Cuts

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We buy and sell them.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'