Eccentric Parent Pillows

'He's got my eyes? And what else?'

Seagiraffes

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

"Where's your nose?"

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

Blend Schools

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"You're probably wondering why I called you in here today..."

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

Boho Bribes

'Hello? Animal control?'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

Eskimo pram

'Dad, Dad! Granny's eaten the dog.'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

Newton's Cradle

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

"Why can't you just hang out the window like all the other dogs!?"

'Sale - monopole magnets - 50% off'

Tooth Pulling Cork