Eccentric Parent T-Shirts

'He's got my eyes? And what else?'

Seagiraffes

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

"Where's your nose?"

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

Blend Schools

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"You're probably wondering why I called you in here today..."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

Boho Bribes

'Hello? Animal control?'

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

'Dad, Dad! Granny's eaten the dog.'

Eskimo pram

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

Newton's Cradle

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

"Why can't you just hang out the window like all the other dogs!?"

'Sale - monopole magnets - 50% off'

Excited about getting Gina to the hospital on the 'big day', Doug converts their car into the Stork-mobile.