Easy Listener T-Shirts

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

Audio Books

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Clive Anderson

Cybergoth.

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

Attention Span Man

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'Music hath charms,' &c.

Cover story: Plant World.

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

'He's busy right now. I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear show tunes, classical or easy listening?'

"If you think I talk too much, you should come right out say so! That way we can talk about it."

"I'll knock 10% off this session as I wasn't really listening."

Science Applied to Art

"Sounds of the ocean upgrade...it's sounds of the antarctic icebergs cracking."

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

'She doesn't know that listening is not the same as mentally rehearsing her answers.'

Here's your problem. You have an iPod.

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Why is so much easy listening so difficult to listen to?'

Things can only get worse...

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"Sorry, I was driving under the influence of a bull market radio report."

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

"You'll have to be X-rayed, Mr. Jensen. I seem to be picking up Rush Limbaugh."

Patient is listening to the doctors conference about him.