Easy Listening Critic T-Shirts

'Why is so much easy listening so difficult to listen to?'

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

Final words on gravestones.

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

'He's busy right now. I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear show tunes, classical or easy listening?'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

"I just love your use of lying"

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

"You forgot his tail."

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

"Our house wine is abominable."

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

'I found it difficult to put down, but I will. It's trite rubbish.'

'African Idol': A bushman is receiving the judge's opinion which is:' Dat was bad . . . it sound nutting like watta buffeelow!'

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Well, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

'If you believe Christmas is over-commercialised, press the Sponsored by Cola red button.'

"Hey, amigo... Been there, done that, bought the tattoo!"

"Now, now - If you can't say something nice about a parson, don't say anything at all."

"Now, this model not only plays fifty records but it changes them, turns them over, and gives you a brief comment on each by Deems Taylor."

'How much to just stop?!'

Bank Has Two Tellers and One Listener

'I think you'll find that I'm a very good listener.'

"What a Luddite! I bought him a Kindle, but he'll only read hard copy."

'I've learned how to wink! Watch-.'

"This could be a match. There's a lady here, who's looking for a man who knows how to listen."