Earth Tone Decorator Pillows

"My home is done in Earth tones, so I'll have something to remember it by after we destroy it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"Can you believe Jim made all the furniture out of old rubbish?"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'It's my main decorating motif.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Crap others threw out

"Oh no, it's Flash Garden!"

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

"Maybe the tree wasn't such a great idea."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

'Are you sure energy efficient isn't just a nice way of saying you're not too bright?'

An environmentally sound Christmas - Plant a Seedling - Full tree in 16 years.

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

Wallpaper Bouguet

"Love the exposed chessboard."

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'A bit extravagant don't you think you think?'

'It has to have big living room, he has a sixty inch rock.'

'It's my feature wall.'

'You're not taking this carbon footprint offsetting seriously - are you Smith?'

Smiley

'It's true! Our clothes, the curtains, the carpeting in the waiting room... they're all made out of recycled dental floss!'

"I want a nice family Christmas photo. Now, go upstairs and put on a tree skirt."

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense."

"Oh, nice-pulling up the blinds really lets in the light."

'How can I stop these moles digging up the garden?'

If you keep sitting on your paintings, you're going to become an impressionist!

Only 85 Chopping Days to Christmas...