E-reader Enthusiast Gifts

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

The Crushing of Independent Bookstores.

"It's like reading a regular book, but you know it's reading you back."

I've read fifteen books in the last three months, Randy. What? You? Read? Books were invented 5 thousand years ago, little buddy

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

These e-readers are totally unsatisfying. Because you can't see what someone is reading? Precisely. With paper books, you can see that someone sitting at the cafe is reading a stupid romance or a mindless thriller. You can walk by them, hold up your copy of 1984 or some Marshall McLuhan essay, and let out a condescending snort. Which reminds me, you know that McLuhan would say about all this media? I tuned out three panels ago.

Books. As seen online!

"Mom, I can't get this book to turn on."

'What do you mean I don't download it, I just read it?'

'He's in the library.'

'How do I watch telly on this?'

'You were a book all along.'

"I pushed the learn button on the remote and that book popped up on the screen!"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Modern Studying

"A book is kind of like a paper Kindle."

Cat rolls up yarn like power cord.

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

Two Generations of Readers

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

'It was a real scroller. I couldn't put down my screen.'

Books: Soon to be made into a major computer App.

'Read any good Apps lately?'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

I just reread a great book I downloaded from Amazon about five years ago. You rekindled an old relationship!

A man with Dwarfism is reading Little Women.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Monster Self-Help

A man and his dog both reading.

'It doesn't take much to please him these days.'

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

Megabyte Information Processing Center.

'Nothing's more romantic than dinner by kindle light.'

'Could you just e-mail me your electronic book with signature, please?'