Dynamic Family Navigator Pillows

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'Ahhh...'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I like to think that each generation will need a little less therapy than the generation before."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"All Vangundy is or ever shall be he owes to his mother."

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Mom! Hunter keeps saying I'm not a thoroughbred. Can you show him my papers?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"