Duct Tape Devout Gifts

'Before recycling, try duct tape'

Sweep the board.

"I know it is of this earth...."

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

"There's nothing like a dame!"

User friendly soil.

'Ok, there's some duct tape. Are you happy now, Mr. Prima Donna?...'

'Does he mean before or after the needs survey?'

A day at the UN.

In an alternate universe, characters from the rough draft and finished manuscript of the same novel meet themselves at a cocktail party.

Leading Economic Indicator.

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

"Jenkins, rumor has it there are people outside this meeting who are doing actual work. Go find out."

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

'Duct tape.'

'You have fifteen distinct personalities, all of which require a gadzillion rolls of duct tape.'

"I really believe red tape is the future!"

"Janet and Bob are coming to dinner on October 6th. Better plant eight more carrots and three more potatoes this spring."

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'I don't accept your insurance but they say anything can be repaired by duct tape.'

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

The Little Burner Phone that Could.

"Why weren't we warned of this in D.A.R.E.?"

"Thanks to this innovative, state-of-the-art communication system, we can now support an even slower bureucracy'"

'I realize you're attached to your car. However, when it's being held together by duct tape, it's time to buy a new one.'