Duct Tape Gifts

'I realize you're attached to your car. However, when it's being held together by duct tape, it's time to buy a new one.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Streaming"

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'Thanks for buying the ventriloquism instructional tapes. You are now listening to tape number one...'

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

'Ok, there's some duct tape. Are you happy now, Mr. Prima Donna?...'

A day at the UN.

'Does he mean before or after the needs survey?'

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

Leading Economic Indicator.

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

"Jenkins, rumor has it there are people outside this meeting who are doing actual work. Go find out."

The Potatoes on vacation. We should have guessed they'd be tubers.

'Duct tape.'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

'Hello 8 track? It's me, vinyl... I'm sorry I ever made fun of you.'

We lucked out. This one's wrapped in videotape.

'You have fifteen distinct personalities, all of which require a gadzillion rolls of duct tape.'

Video Store - Comedy Section - Actually Funny Section

"I really believe red tape is the future!"

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

'I don't accept your insurance but they say anything can be repaired by duct tape.'

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

Sony Dorkman

"Thanks to this innovative, state-of-the-art communication system, we can now support an even slower bureucracy'"

Duct taping airplane wing.

Duct Cleaning

"Your appointment's at 2:00 but you'll need to be here by 11:00 to start filling out the forms."