Ducking Away From Seriousness Pillows

'Well I'll bet no one else thinks it's funny.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"Home security isn't subtle. If you've got it, flaunt it!"

"What is your position regarding the issue of emotional commitment in a relationship?"

Every morning, the 'who's gonna be first?' cold seat standoff.

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."

Books: Very Subtle, Just a Little Subtle, and Not At All Subtle.

'I think he's bluffing.'

Don't Push: Electrical Shock.

Rival Santa Clauses: 'You may have little, more helpful elves, but my Rudolph as a VERY shiny nose.'

'It never occurred to Steggy what was giving away his best hands.'

'I need a statement that I've been here for the past 15 minutes and read David Hume's An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.'

"Let me put it this way - I wouldn't buy any bananas that are too green."

Not in Service

"It's hard to breath wearing a mask."