Dual-theme Reader Gifts

Sex and violence/hell and brimstone.

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Audio Books

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'A is for Arse.'

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

Examination.

"Javert" Would Like To Use Your Current Location

"Speed reader...?"

"I dropped my goblet!"

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

"Phew! - You've got bat breath."

The Bride of Frankenstein

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

'Oh great,,, More protesters getting on our case about how the magazine industry creates 'unrealistic standards' for the human body,'

Frankenstein discovers that his bide may have been unfaithful.

"You're a surprisingly good kisser for having two different dead guys' lips."

Bib's E-Book Readers.

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

'When I said we should read together I meant separate books.'

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

'Does this book come with director commentary.'

This survey will only take five minutes and will help me improve future floods.

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

"We no longer shelve gay fiction separately. It's been assimilated."

Aristophanes

'I agree, 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is a boring title for a book about home decorating, but I'm getting some great ideas for the bedroom!'

Down with leather bookbinding. Read paperbacks.

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"While we wait for the jury to deliberate, I thought you could use a little light reading."

'You stop buying books and I'll stop buying plants.'

Blood Bank - "Got any spare blood?"

"Yes, I tried tapping on the glass."