Drink-fueled Debater Pillows

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'Do you think that's wise?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Jersey Tomatoes" vs. "Jersey toMAHtoes"

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

Prisoner speech

Big people always make a mess of things phobia: 'Let's play grownups. You'll be for busing and I'll be against it.'

'I managed to crack a smile during the first 15-minures but the last 45-minutres were a bust!

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

"Forget the Gin Sling, I'll have a whisky and soda."

The controversy of ROW VS WAIT: 'Row, to find fish!'

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

"If thinking about sin is as bad as committing it, why not go ahead and commit it?"

"I can't decide if that was bad in a good way, good in a good way, good in a bad way, or bad in a bad way."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is The Children v. Mommy. The Supreme Court, Juvenile Division.

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

Half full. Half empty. Undecided.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Why not use thoughts and prayers to stop abortions? That's what you've been using to stop school shootings."

'Your brother sure ha some kind of weirdo creepy imagination.'

"My grandmother died last night even though I prayed for her..." "...I guess I should brace myself for a sarcastic comment about faith."

'It's always the same...Terry and Mike have a few drinks and then they start to kick off.'

"When I grow up, I'll still be religious."

"Why should our kids feel entitled to the lives our parents worked so hard to provide for us?"

Beer is made by men, wine by god.