Dreamy Night Guardians Gifts

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

The Jeopardy of Progress

"He likes it."

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"It's trickle down."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

Forest Management

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Deer Crossing.

Save the tree.

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

"It's your turn, kid."

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'To be honest, I don't think the garden does need it anymore.'

Thinking about TV.

"I'd never have imagined such innovative ways of wearing this cape!"

"Apologies, sir. The mansion is haunted by Randy, the master's late spaniel."

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

Nesting Camp, Pecking Camp, Cock-a-D00dle-Doo Camp … Whatever happened to growing up free-range?

See, no monster under your bed

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'Location, location, location.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

Frogs jump out of boiling water, but linger in gradually heated water.

"…Ok, tough guy, see this scar? Prius hit me—didn’t even hear it coming." "I got that beat. Right here: three-year-old woke me from a nap with a fork."

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don