Dreamy Night Guardians Gifts

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

The Jeopardy of Progress

"He likes it."

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"It's trickle down."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Forest Management

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Save the tree.

Deer Crossing.

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

"It's your turn, kid."

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'To be honest, I don't think the garden does need it anymore.'

"I'd never have imagined such innovative ways of wearing this cape!"

"Apologies, sir. The mansion is haunted by Randy, the master's late spaniel."

Thinking about TV.

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

'Location, location, location.'

Frogs jump out of boiling water, but linger in gradually heated water.

"…Ok, tough guy, see this scar? Prius hit me—didn’t even hear it coming." "I got that beat. Right here: three-year-old woke me from a nap with a fork."