Dramatic Performer Gifts

An opera singer

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

"I'm afraid the reviews are negative and the test results are positive."

'Do you have any final pantomimes?'

Farcebook website

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Jean-Paul Sartre

Southwark Fair.

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Pirate

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

George Michael

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

University Soapflakes

Cow Show Tunes

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition