Dramatic Performer Pillows

An opera singer

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

"I'm afraid the reviews are negative and the test results are positive."

'Do you have any final pantomimes?'

Farcebook website

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Southwark Fair.

Jean-Paul Sartre

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

Pirate

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Cow Show Tunes

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Bravo!"

Silly wig.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"