Drama Diner Pillows

'Careful, this plate may be a little hot.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'You made me jump,'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'