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Luciano Pavarotti.

'May I remind you Jeremy that you're auditioning for the role of a munchkin.'

'I'm word perfect on every line, but can't for the life me remember in what order the lines come...'

Les Miserables: 'Oh, for mercy's sake - lighten up!'

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

It looked like being a particularly messy divorce

'To be or not to be - well yes, but what about coma, trance, vegetative states, reincarnation, near death experience, cryogenics?'

We were so close to the stage we could see the actors spit.

The momentus interview

"Nigel takes criticism from customers really seriously!"

Tony Weller ejects Mr. Stiggins

'And another thing, why can't you get GPs to do house calls any more?'

The consultation

The clown loses it at the circus and takes the 'fat lady' hostage with a cream pie 'I'm not clowning this time, back-off or the fat-lady gets it!'

BBC Creative Dept.

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'So, Herr Goethe, perhaps now we can discuss terms?'

"Et tu Brute."

'I just want to be entertained.'

"OK what's it to be, or not to be?"

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Just because my wife owns 25 wigs you accuse me of serial bigamy???"

"Well, Wanda, as long as we're skipping the legal niceties, I don't care much for YOUR attorney, either!"

'...It's what you know about who.'

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

School Pantomime Rehearsals.

'Your wife's under the table.' 'No, she's walking through the door.'

Bertolt Brecht.

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

'I wouldn't be telling you all this, if I thought it would bother you.'

I'll start off pleading not guilty and see how it goes.

RADA toilets - gents - agents.

Hiss and tell.

'... Yes, we do sometimes represent clients on a 'no win, no fee basis'. But as you're charged with double murder...'

'I'm Hamlet's father, come back to claim my place in the history of English Literature.'