Dr. Seuss Aficionado Pillows

"I don't have to mask up, Sam I am?"

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"My calculations are complete. We could toast 12,000 marshmallows every day for every person on earth for 36,000 years with one solar flare."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Ironing Punctuation

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"This looks like a job for 'Margarita Man!'"

My Literary Influences

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'