Double Shift Survivor Gifts

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Working hours.

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

Spam in inbox.

Information. Innuendo

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Where should I leave this?'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"My new day job is killing me."

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

Today's Rapunzel

"The weight of all the paperwork made my desk fall through the floor. This might be a sign that I need to go paperless."

'I'm telling you, this is a tough place to work. Pass the pepper spray.'

'That's great, Bob, but I was just going to ask if you wanted anything from the deli next door.'

"I could really get ahead at my two jobs if it weren't for that five letter vice I crave...SLEEP."

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

"Have you considered working the lunch shift?"

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

"Miss Caldwell, write twenty letters, make five Xerox copies of each, feed the whole lot into the shredder, and then, if it's five o'clock, you may go home."

"Your's is a thankless job so you can't be expected to be compensated."

Job Bored

'We gave your chair to another employee, Larson, because you spent so little time in it.'

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

'How do you know I'm not working?'

When paperwork attacks.

"And by 'priority', I mean close the Solitaire game immediately."

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.