Doorbell Humorist Pillows

Avon Cosmetics - Ding Dong

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"I'm working from home today."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

Cold caller.

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Have you ever wondered how deep the ocean would be without sponges?'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Can you do anything else?'

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'