Doorbell Humorist Pillows

Avon Cosmetics - Ding Dong

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"I'm working from home today."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Cold caller.

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Have you ever wondered how deep the ocean would be without sponges?'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Can you do anything else?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."