Doorbell Detective Gifts

Woman Rings Birdhouse Doorbell.

'Speaking!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'Not only did they install an elevator to help you get over the dam, they also hired an elevator operator.'

Micro and Macro Department,

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

Devil in the detail

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'No thanks. I never sign a sales deal at the door.'

When pedants take a break.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

"You arrive early, You work hard, You stay focused. What's your game?"

Forward Planning - The key to Success

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

"You're closer. You get it."

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

'Curiosity'

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'There's only one piece left. C'mon, we can figure this out.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"This is Clint. He handles the small print!"

"How's this? 'Employee grants to Company, throughout the universe, the omniverse, including all fictional universes of parallel universes yet to be discovered...'"

"The little one? That's for small print!"

Snail Peephole