Doomsday Debater Gifts

Memory Clinic: The end of something or other is near.

'You can take that off now.'

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

'So what made you think that doomsday prophecy would be right?'

'It was definitely a bang. You heard it, I heard it, end of discussion.'

"Whoa! In 7 billion years, the sun will expand and engulf the entire planet, melting away any evidence it ever existed!"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'You present a very convincing argument.'

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

"Make sure you get payment up front."

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

Bush vs. America

Democracy - one of the drawbacks.

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

'I went in to get my mortgage renewed. I said: 'Make it for eight months and four days!'. . . Am I only the one who thinks the world ends in December?'

Professor Malinowski Failed to Impress His Audience with his Small Bang Theory.

Fatalism and the Seeds of Doubt

'According to the Mayan calendar, 2012 will be the end of the world!'

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

Psychiatry. I'm starting to take it personally when people say we have a representative government.

Astronomers argue theories of the Universe.

We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

The Fortunes of War

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

Poll. If the election was being held today, where would you hide?

'Grandpa, why do you like to live here in Germany?'