Donor Relations Specialist Gifts

"Give Something Back" vending machine

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."

The nonprofit dog fight.

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

"Admit it Johnson, isn't a pat on the back more intrinsically rewarding than a salary rise?"

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to the less fortunate...

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

Labor-Management Non-Relations

Wage Slavery

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Suggestion box paper shredder.

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

"Don't tell the employees, but management has acquired their union."

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"Accounts say that we can't afford to buy staff loyalty but we might be able to rent it."

"The purpose of the exit interview is to underline that you are fired."

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

Employment Counselor. That's terrible! What kind of company fires you for taking a day off? A calendar company.

"Nothing but 'I told you sos'."

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

Credit card campaign ad

"I'm just checking eBay to see if there's any movement on that new liver you need."