Donor Advisor Pillows

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

Govt. UK led by Seance

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to the less fortunate...

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

Chère Maman

"I'm just checking eBay to see if there's any movement on that new liver you need."

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

Food Pyramid.

'If this warning label on cigarettes packets doesn't stop people smoking, nothing will.'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

Latest science behind social distancing advice

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

Jim's Smart Kettle

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Just between you and me, we were counting on a big stock market rally, so Wallstreet could bail out the government.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Organ Transplant Service - "Rather ironic isn't it...we need a new pump."

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

Vaping cigarette

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.