Domestic Sociologist Pillows

Pavlov's Wife

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Hungry child

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Man's best friends."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

“Can I have her now? Hey! My turn.”

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Always Compatible

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

'Actually, she's turned out to be a very clever pet. Watch when Rex stands up, she'll feed him a biscuit.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Think about the honey."

"Do I have to go out again!?"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"