Domestic Scientist T-Shirts

"I've noticed you've taken to wearing a lab coat lately. May I ask the reason why?"

"As a child, Timothy would often test his mother’s patience."

'All right, I'm done thawing out the freeze, now what was it you couldn't wait to tell me about finally finding two snowflakes that are exactly alike?'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Hon, I'm home!'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

'Let's see what else will explode in the microwave!'

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Sunny with a chance of Helium

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

'How are you doing on your side?'

Search for Missing Socks

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I get that you're cold, but does he also have to eat all our meals with us?"

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

Pollsters

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

Man ironing out a line graph.

Kingfisher feeding from a water lamp.

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

CHEZ MOI - formerly CHEZ NOUS

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"Norman's building a small Hadron Collider."