Domestic Comedy Fans Gifts

"Don’t even think about it!"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Dad Trophies

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"He looks just like your husband."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Don't go in there!!"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

The first case of resume padding.

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Yakety-Yak

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions