Domestic Chore Navigator Pillows

"How do you work one of these?"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Just empty it."

"Oh, gosh. . . he's sleep caulking again."

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

"I knew it would be a silly idea to ask him to hang the washing out for me,"

You mean none of you took out the trash? Why you rarely see a female polygamist.

Nate Sure Abhors a Vacuum!

A "balanced diet" means balancing what's left to cook with what's clean enough to cook it in.

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

'When he said he wanted to put me on a pedestal, it was only so I could dust the ceiling fan!'

No caption. (A woman folding laundry from the dryer is looking at a mouse folding laundry from a mousehole on the side of the dryer).

'Why do you never change these things out when they're empty? They're not an infinite scroll.'

"Does he like those shorts you bought him for Christmas?"

'I'll see your 'Washing the Dishes' and raise you 'Two Loads of Laundry''

'He has weapons of mass destruction.'

Feel free to have a wash but this time please do not leave the bath smelling of ham.

'I TOLD you not to wash it in warm water!'

'Yes it's a conspiracy theory, he's never ever done the washing up.'

Home Schooling: "And this is what we call the 'washing machine'."

'What's your washing dishes got to do with human rights?'

'Washing dishes, why?'

"Laundry day?"

"Oh, no, I forgot to shred the toilet paper!"

'Because you told me to run the house like a business.'