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"But I'm accustomed to captivity. I wouldn't survive a day in the wild."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"Somehow, my wife pinned me to her taskbar."

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

The black cat sat on the mat...absorbing all the heat of the fire.

"Is there something wrong with the TV focus?"

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

Insomnia.

"I said, I had the cat declawed."

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

Capturing a Cook

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

'We need another refrigerator, Mom.'

"Marie has been planning for my retirement for years."

"Just empty it."

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

"I guess my wild days are behind me."

Flunkey asking for a larger salary and not happy to be compared to a lower order of clergy

"I feel like all I do is pick up crap all day."

'Because you told me to run the house like a business.'

'Why, that's just the cat's pyjamas...'

The new groom is a very young boy who says he ought to understand horses because he has been amongst them all his life

"I'm staying in my nightie until 1997."

'This is a list of all the things you need to do around the house when you get your parole.'

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

"When was the last time you cleaned the fridge?"

Master about to find that the servant boy has let his library fire go out