Domestic Battlesculptor Gifts

"You'll have to wait, can't you see he's tied up for the moment?"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

Lumberjack Finds Strange Tree Rings

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

'Choose, Fenwick ? me or corporatge clout.'

Bookmore Publishing Co. Autobiography Editor - Embellish and De-Embellish.

"Garbage in, great books out."

Behind the cow is a manure castle. 'Yeah...It's a gift.'

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

"Sloth is a sin."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

Husband does the housework

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

Human Dust Buster

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"Synchronized sitting"

Roman paramedic.

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

"I read your manuscript with interest."

'Why are they all picking on me?'

'Show off!'

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

'It's questionable whether your book, Life of a Nobody' will make a Nobody a Somebody!'

"Very few new ideas come into Arthur's head anymore. He's living on his fat."