Doll Duty Champions Pillows

'I'd like to come out and play but I can't find a sitter.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Early Piety

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'Hey Kiddo, I think we'll have to stop to change your nappy...'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Dollphins

Between going to school, watching TV and doing my homework, I hardly have any quality time to spend with my doll.

'I can't take Barbie to Show and Tell...she doesn't have a thing to wear!'

Child with doll in the sea

"Let's take off all their personal protective equipment."

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Can you show me on this dolly what Bill Gates did to your computer?'

Parenting magazines.

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Oh Sit down again and read your paper!'

"Does it come with instructions?"

'Did you know that baby birds just hang it over the edge of their nest and let it fly!'

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

"Perhaps the doll substitution therapy wasn't the best choice!"

'Don't tell anybody, I'm expecting a doll.'

Smiling at people who make stupid noises, wearing diapers, crying at least 8 times a night, getting cuddled by wrinkled grandparents... Man, being a baby is the World's hardest job!

Baby's high fibre diet

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

'Here, take this. It came in handy when I used to change your nappy.'

Why it's called child-rearing.

"Geez. He's bald. No teeth. And craps in diapers."