Dog Owner Cousin Gifts

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

"Better luck next time, kid."

"I can't see a blinkin' thing."

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

'More hair than brains.'

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

Interning in D.C. Volunteering in Seattle. Trekking in Nepal. Lucky ducks! I'm stuck here working 2 jobs! Wow! You're getting paid?!! Who knew? Employment is this summer's must-have status symbol. Some parents envy you.

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

'This refrigerator isn't big enough for the both of us.'

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'I remember, Fido, winning isn't the only thing...there are also stud fees.'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

Why cat yoga classes don't work

'Look! There's Santa!'

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

"The dog wants out again!"

Chasebook for Dogs