Dog Lover Extraordinaire Gifts

"Selective breeding has given me an aptitude for the law, but I still love fetching a dead suck out of freezing water."

"It may look funny, but at least I'm warm."

'Well, why aren't there any prizes for talking dogs?'

An alien dog hangs its head out the flying saucer.

"Of course, he was already very good at Frisbee before steroids."

"You've been swell and I hold you in the highest regard but you are definitely my last dog."

"It's the only way we could get him to stop licking his privates."

"Finally! A distraction from my inner demons."

"An intruder will be pretty surprised when he meets me pit bull, Jesus."

Man is walking his dachshund with a Happy Valentines Day balloon tied around dog's belly lifting it off of the sidewalk.

'Happy hour.'

"Sure my bark is worse than my bite, but wait till you hear my shotgun."

"Whenever I go for a walk I accessorize. I call it bling with a purpose."

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

A Good Batch.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Pick me!"

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."