Dog Humorist Pillows

"We need to talk about your diet."

"I don't fetch. I have a trust fund."

A Great Dane in the throes of furious activity.

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'He feigns death every time I ask him to fetch my slippers!'

"She's always been able to make me laugh."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Cannibal.'

'Okay, I'll admit it. Your dog is very good at playing dead.'

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

'I caught him eating this book.'

'Quit referring to me as a Low Rider.'

Dog Gate Accident

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

Having come in peace and with the intention of fostering intergalactic relations, the aliens would not be happy with Rusty.

Symbol on dogs restroom is a fire hydrant.

"Oh sure, I'll bark and chase 'em, but I'd never bite one of them...humans are full of all kinds of diseases!"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

Every dog except the chow has a pink tongue: The chow's tongue is jet black.

'I did the finicky-eater for a while, and now it's sirloin, seven days a week.'

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

"You comin' to Duke's blow-out tonight? It's B.Y.O.T. Bring your own toilet..."

"She'll lick you to death."

"I believe we've met these folk before boy..."

Why did the dog cross the road? Because he woke me up from a nap.

"My Facebook page got a hundred licks."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"This is a stickup."

"That's not the moon, you idiot ... it's a night light!"

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"I'll help you find your bone if you tell me how you dug this 'hole.'"

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."