Dog Comedian Pillows

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"Hello 911? Yes it is an emergency. It's my ball. It's gone right under the sofa."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Obedience School Graduation

'I'd like to return this, please.'

His Master's Thesis.

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"I finally caught you... now what?"