Dog Food Detective Gifts

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Face it, Earl. We're dogfoodboys."

Coonhound Inc. Petfoods Research & Development

Animal magnetism.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'So who needs sonar?!'

Critisize your weight.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Secretive Weigh In.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,